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Doctor Who + Puns
#i think i see a pattern #one crude pun per regeneration
On abuse, victim-blaming, responsibility and Carrie drama:
I’m not even gonna try and not swear in this post because this entire thing with Carrie’s DMC in the 401 show is so fucking dumb I can’t even begin to wrap my head around what is going on. People are so damn wrapped around this “victim blaming” crap that you see it wherever you fucking go and in everything you hear everybody say. I’m disgusted at people’s attitudes towards Carrie over the past 24 hours.
I’ve taken my time writing this as people often misinterpret what I say and think I’m excusing abuse or victim blaming, which is definitely not the case.
I’m a victim of sexual abuse myself, and from my perspective I’ve been through many phases of blaming myself, blaming my family and blaming the world. Now I understand that it’s nobody’s fault but my attacker’s. However, and many people try and talk me out of this which I find just gobsmacking, I am aware that I put myself at risk in the first place. It’s not my fault, but I have (and everyone has) a responsibility to do their best to keep themselves safe. The world should be a safe place, but it’s not and as such, our safety is in our hands.
I think that there’s a big issue with this topic. When it comes to any kind of abuse of power, any sort of remark that you make regarding the victim’s responsibilities is deemed invalid because a horrible thing happened and shouldn’t have. Of course it isn’t the victim’s fault… but it’s undeniable that I have a responsibility for my own actions and what risks I put myself under, as does everyone of age. Once your parents are no longer responsible for your safety, you are. I was sexually assaulted on the street while alone at 3am. Of course it wasn’t my fault that I got assaulted, but there’s no way I could have thought that that wouldn’t have been a dangerous thing to do.
A big problem within the massive issue that is abuse is that a lot of people get caught up in the idea of what the world should be like, and the morals that would exist in such a world. For example, someone might be very passionate about gender equality (as we all should be), and they might think that it should be okay for women to bare their chests like men do. I for one, agree with this, but I don’t go out and do it because I don’t live in such a world, and if I were to bare my chest in public, I’d get arrested in many countries.
It’s never the victim’s “fault”, and they never “ask for it” but unfortunately, there are many risks in the real world that yes- shouldn’t exist, but until then we have to take care of ourselves! Yes, we shouldn’t have to carry around pepper spray, but unfortunately we live in a world where in many places, it’s necessary. “Victims aren’t playing with fire: they are walking through a world that is on fire. If they don’t come with at least a water bottle, then they’re might get hurt.” (Coryl from the Hopeful Forum)
As for what Carrie said in the video, I understand how it may have been taken the wrong way, but there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that some people find it hard to say “no” (for an extensive number of possible reasons) and that communicating and saying “no, I don’t want to do this” is a perfectly okay thing to do in a healthy relationship.
As for the difficulty people have in saying “no”: We are emotive beings and especially today, we live in a world that runs very highly on social appearances. This makes it very easy for certain people to abuse their power, and it’s in no way “our fault” if/when we “cave in” to doing things we don’t really want to do due an array of consequences we might fear. It’s the abuse of power that we have to fight, as well as the reasons that lead to that abuse in the first place.
The reason you’ve taken Carrie’s words as “victim blaming” is that she approached the issue via the possible victim’s responsibilities. You’re interpreting what she said as “people need to have more self respect and learn to just say no”, rather than what she actually meant which was “horrible things happen in our world and until they don’t, we need to be as prepared and protected as we possibly can”.
This is such a huge topic and there’s no way to cover everything. People will always call you out on all the details you leave out, and they’ll take things you say in completely the wrong way because you summarised it into a 5 second phrase for a video. My question is: How is anyone supposed to make videos about serious issues when it would take several hours (or thousands of words) to explain every tiny little thing you say in case somebody thinks you’re saying something else?
Language is a complicated thing and there isn’t just one way of saying or phrasing things. Before you assume somebody is blaming the victims, consider if they’ve maybe just phrased what they meant in a less clear way and take your hateful personalities somewhere else.
You want to end abuse? How about we start with the easier things and you stop attacking people online to the point where they feel they have to delete Twitter off of their phones.
"What I enjoy most is travelling to different places and meeting new people. For me, it’s all about life experiences, and I’m very grateful that acting allows me so many interesting and fulfilling ones."
“While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.”↳dean + da vinci